Believe
by Lilian85
Summary: What would be if Lily had survived that one tragic night? And why had James body, who was supposed to be dead too, vanished? Is there still hope that he might be still alive?
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE 

„_LILY! Take Harry and run! Its HIM!" James Potter shouted at his young wife as the front door got blown out of its hangings and flew into the hall. In the frame stood a tall figure in black robes and red eyes that glowed like fire. In his right hand he held a wand, pointing at James._

_When Lily heard the shout of her husband she sprinted up into their babies room and picked the one-year old Harry up. Amazingly, Harry seemed to know what was going one, because he didn't make any noise when his mother had interrupted his peaceful sleep. Now he stared at her with his emerald green eyes, the same that where staring back at him. _

_Lily could hear the shouting of her beloved husband and Voldemort as they where throwing curses at each other. Deep down in her heart, Lily knew, that this would be the last time to hear her husbands voice. James was no quitter, but all of them knew, that his chance, to come out of battle against the very strong wizard alive, was slim to none. He wouldn't be able to stand against Voldemort, at least not when he was alone. _

_Lily's mind was racing as she tried to think of a way out for her family. She wouldn't give up easily, not when she had to protect hers and James' baby son. Automatically she grabbed for her wand in her left jeans pocket but… it wasn't there! She must have lost her wand… and Lily knew, that this would be her death. She wouldn't even be able to defend herself. She was absolutely helpless._

_A scream, full of pain and agony, brought her back to the actual happenings around her. Suddenly, the house went quiet and Lily could feel, with the pain that had erupted in her heart, that James, the love of her life, was not in this world anymore. A tear slowly made its way down her cheeks and fell into Harry's black messy hair. The trademark of the Potter family. _

_Heavy footsteps climbing up the stairs interrupted her thoughts and she pressed the baby's body closer to her. Lily knew that she would be able to give up her life to protect her son. It was her fate as a mother in these times of darkness._

_Slowly, as if to give her more time to built up her fear, the door to the nursery opened, and Voldemort entered the room. Lily had her back facing him, but she didn't doubt one moment that it was him. She just knew. _

"_Stand aside, woman. I only want the boy!" the cold voice of the dark lord hissed. _

"_No! I will not! You will have to kill me!" Lily's voice sounded calm even though she was trembling. Lily was a true Gryffindor after all. _

"_Stand aside, silly girl!" He grew angrier with the minute and he would have to strike soon when he wanted to get, what he needed so badly._

"_NO!" Lily said, this time with even more force in her voice. She wouldn't give up her son!_

Slowly Voldemort raised his wand at the back of the young woman in front of him. Without any feelings the two words, that would end her life immediately, departed from his lips and green lightening emitted from the tip of his wand. Without a sound of pain, Lily dropped to the floor and laid there, emotionless.

_Than Voldemort pointed his wand at the little baby, which was still in the arms of his dead mother. With wide eyes the boy started up at the cloaked figure. _

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort shouted and again the green light zoomed towards his victim. But something happened, Voldemort had not intend. The green light hit the boy but was returned to the dark wizard. Without time to protect himself he was hit by the force of his own blow and screamed in pain. With a flash of white light Lord Voldemort was gone and only one little boy remained. Suddenly the boy started crying as an bold like scar appeared on his forehead. From now on, Harry James Potter would be known as the-boy-who-lived throughout the whole wizarding world._


	2. Chapter 1

Hey, I just wanted to thank my very first reviewer: ZORAN! hugs I love u!

I really do hope to get some more reviews! Please, guys, I would appreciate it!

You probably recognized it already, but English is NOT my mother tongue. So, please, don't kill me because of spelling or grammar errors!

And before I forget:

**Disclaimer:** I sadly do not own Harry Potter. Joanne does. But not me... _**sniff **_I would own the books it surely wouldn't be so sad... _**cries**_

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**CHAPTER 1**

Her body was aching. Every muscle was filled with souring pain and even if she had wanted to, she wasn't able to move even one finger. So she laid there trying to remember what had happened, but nothing came in mind. The only picture was of two emerald green eyes looking adoringly and happy up at her. But before Lily Potter could think more about it, the blackness had enveloped her again and her mind went blank.

Lily didn't know how long she had been sleeping but when she awoke the next time, some of the pain had subsided and she felt a little stronger. Slowly she tried to open her eyes only to close them again as the blinding light hurt her eyes. Letting her eyes getting used to the bright light, she opened them again a few moments later.

The room was colored in all white and even the curtains moving in the light wind coming through the open window, where white. Her bed was the only one in this large room. Somehow this room reminded her very much of a hospital room.

When Lily was about to give into the temptation to return to sleep, the door slowly opened and a very familiar man stood in the doorway. His bright blue eyes roamed over her face as if to find a clue what Lily was thinking. Than the tall man with the white hair and bear stepped fully into the room and closed the door behind him. With only a few strides he stood next to her bed.

"How are you feeling, Lily?" Albus Dumbledore asked in a caring voice. He had always been very fond of her as she was one of the most powerful and smartest witches he had known. Together with her husband, James Henry Potter, they had formed a bond strong enough, to even scare the most dark powered wizard of all times.

"I'm alright!" her voice crackled slightly as if not having been used for quite a while. "What happened?" It was a question she had asked herself for some time now and she assumed, that Dumbledore would have an answer for her.

"Voldemort came to your house and tried to kill you. But I can assure you, that Harry is all right and he is here with you at Hogwarts." Lily could see in his eyes, that there was something he was not telling, so she pressed that matter.

"And what about James? Is he… is he…" she wasn't able to finish that sentence as more and more tears escaped her eyes and she began to sob lightly.

In a rush, all that what had happened, had come back to her and the pain of loss was even worse than the physical pain. James was her everything and living without him was just not possible for her.

"We don't know yet. We haven't found his body so we cannot tell about his fate." Dumbledore's voice was full of grief as he spoke about James as if he was his son. He had loved him like one but this time Albus hadn't been able to protect him or Lily. It hurt him even more to see the pain in Lily's eyes.

They sat there for some minutes, both of them thinking of James and how he had changed each of their lives.

"But how could we have survived? I mean.. I mean he threw the killing curse at us!" exclaimed Lily. It was an unsolved mystery for her as the killing curse had never failed its purpose: to kill somebody at an instant. Many good friends of her and James had not survived it. Not even her own parents.

"I do not have an answer to that yet. But I will try to find as much information as possible to come up with a perfect answer for you!"

After a long time of silence, the door opened again and Minerva McGonagall entered the room, in her arms a little boy. Carefully she held him in her arms. Without any words she stepped next to Lily's bed and handed Lily her son. Harry James Potter looked up into the sad eyes of his mother and his grip on her shirt tightened. It seemed, that Harry understood what was going on so he held onto his mother. Probably the only parent he had left.

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**A/N:** I'm really sorry these chappies are so short but I'm doing my best to get them longer. 

Something else: If somebody would like to be my beta-reader, so please e-mail me!

Now, just bress that little button, please? _**puppy-dog-eyes**_

Thanx, Lilian85


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I sadly do not own Harry Potter. Joanne does. But not me... _**sniff **_I would own the books it surely wouldn't be so sad... _**cries**_

A big **THANX** to all my reviewers! Love u guys!

**Note:** I have updated my personal page. Please, take a look!

And now - on with the story! **

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**CHAPTER 2**

It took a long time for Lily to gather enough strength to leave the hospital wing. When she did, Albus Dumbledore had given her a room to stay in. Actually, it was a good sized flat with a room for her, for Harry, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and even a little balcony with view of the forbidden forest and the Quidditch pitch. Lily wouldn't enter that balcony very often since it reminded her a lot of James.

Lily and Harry had taken quarters in Hogwarts since it was probably the safest place. Still, it wasn't for sure if Voldemort had just disappeared or if – what most people hoped for – he really was dead.

But Lily had had lots of chances to think about that and she came to the final conclusion, that Voldemort must have had just vanished since he wasn't that human anymore to be able to die. But what scared her the most was the uncertainty _when_ he would eventually return. It could be tomorrow, next week, next year or in ten years. Nobody, not even Albus Dumbledore, the wisest man she knew, was able to predict his return. The only thing he was sure of was his return eventually.

It was hard for Lily to start her life without James. He had been her rock in the storming sea. She knew that she could rely on him whenever she needed. He would listen and give advice, and still support her in all of her decisions even if it meant for him to step back. With James, Lily had shared a very special bond, and it was hard for her to believe that this link had been destroyed. Still she hoped with all her heart, that every minute Dumbledore would walk through the door and tell her the good news. Surely somebody would find James – even if it is only his dead body – sometime, wouldn't they? The ministry had people out to look for him but hadn't succeeded yet.

To be honest, Harry was the only thing to prevent Lily from going insane. She knew that he needed her now more than ever and she just couldn't bear to loose him, too. Having to take care of him she slowly found back in her life even though somebody important was missing.

Dumbledore had also insisted on keeping her rescue a secret so she wasn't even allowed to contact Sirius or Remus. Peter, for that matter, could be dying somewhere for her liking. It was for him in the first place that had betrayed his best friends and caused her family to be ripped apart.

So, she had to follow Sirius' trial as he had blown up on a muggle street in an attempt to take his revenge on Peter. Helplessly she had to read his sentence: a live long in the wizarding prison Azkaban.

Lily had known Sirius for over a little of ten years now and she knew that those years would destroy him completely. Sirius just was not the kind of man to hold back his emotions, but it would be really hard for him to be separated from his friends, of whom only Remus was left now.

After looking for any signs of James for six months now the ministry had declared him to be dead. On the same day, Dumbledore gave her the choice to move out of Hogwarts into her own flat. Still, the security measurements would be strict but at least she could have something of her own. And she would be able to say a proper good-bye to the love of her live, even though she never gave up hope that James might turn up one day on her door step.

James' funeral was held on a cold day in April. The wind raged in the trees and the land was covered in rain. The weather just fitted perfectly the mood of one Lily Evans. She didn't want to say good-bye but she had to.

Next to her stood Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall. Nobody ever knew, that it was the date of James funeral. The death of the Potters still was a big mystery and it wouldn't be revealed soon.

So the ceremony was held only for Lily, Harry, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall. Not even a priest was allowed, so Albus Dumbledore had taken over that part.

And so Lily said good-bye little Harry held tightly to her chest. She would never visit that grave again, as it was empty – just as her heart.


	4. Chapter 3

Hello everyone!

I am really sorry that it took me so long to update butI had toprepare 2 lectures. I finished just now! SORRY!

Now my thanks:

**Prongs312** - Hey, thanxs for the review! I'm thankful that u r volunteering for beta. Could you send me your E-Mail adress so I can send you the next chappie?

**Phyre's child13** - Thanxs for making me aware of that mistake! You are absolutely right. After I read you review I changed the following chappie a bit, I hope it's not too confusing...

**mrspadfoot4eva** - Oh please, don't kill me! **beggin-on-her-knees** Because than you will never know how this story ends and _that_ would be sad, wouldn't it? **evil-grin**

**A/N:** I know this chappie is not much longer, but the fourth one I already finished and it actually _**is**_ longer, so keep up your hopes! I want to warn you: this fanfic will not be very much longer. Only a few more chappies, but please, don't threaten to kill me, will you? **puppy-dog-eyes** But I'm already thinking up a new story line, so stay tuned! (I've always wanted to say that! **hehehehe**)

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**CHAPTER 3**

"Mommy!" a five-year-old-Harry whined in his crip, as his mother was still sound asleep. Suddenly, she began to stir and opened her eyes. It wasn't for the first time that she had this strange dream. She saw James, held captive by some remaining death eaters and being tortured. She had seen violence and torture before, but the most shocking thing was, that this dream seemed so real. As if she would witness it with her own eyes.

In her dream Lily was standing in front of James, who was bound to the cold stone wall, and saw his face. He would hold it up in a proud manner, never leaving the eyes of his tormentors. He wouldn't bow down, never! But than suddenly he looked her straight in the eye and she could hear his voice in her head: _Please, I can't take this much longer. Please, Lily, get me out of here. You know where I am. Just follow your heart!_

And than she would wake up and think about the meanings of his words. Maybe, just maybe, if she knew what he meant with "_follow your heart_" she could find him? She would have to talk to Dumbledore about this. He surely would know what to do!

With that decision made she got out of her bed and walked over to her little boy. Smiling, she bend down and scooped him up in her arms. She was so happy that she still had her precious son left and she would do everything to keep him save.

Still, her thoughts returned back to Albus Dumbledore.

Her former headmaster had helped her a lot during those last years. He made it possible for Sirius to be released from Azkaban shortly after James' "funeral". Since the thread of Voldemort had vanished to a minimum, it had been safe for Dumbledore to tell the Wizgamont of Sirius' innocence.

When Lily had seen Sirius for the first time. She was shocked: the once funny and smart boy, who had been so full of live had become silent, thoughtful – and to her greater shock – he seemed to have grown up more than necessary. He still had this haunted look in his deep blue eyes.

But she knew, that Sirius was strong and he would one day, turn back into the person she had known so well.

Not wanting, to be late for work, she pushed the thoughts of the past away and returned with her mind into the present, and what laid ahead of her.

It was a tradition for them both to prepare breakfast together just as she had done with James. Even though Harry wasn't much help yet, he still cheered her up in trying his best. After finishing and setting the plates in the sink she would get them both a shower. She enjoyed doing as much as they could together before she would have to leave for work and Harry would be looked after by Remus. After Voldemort had been officially declared dead Lily was allowed to talk to Remus again. So they had made this agreement.

As the doorbell rang Lily went to open the door while Harry was still brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

"Hello Remus! Come in!" Lily said after she had opened the door and saw Remus standing on the door step.

With a quick hug he entered her flat and went to greet Harry.

"Well, I'll be off now. I don't know when I will be back, probably a little later than usually. You can stay here tonight!" With that she hugged Harry and pressed on kiss on his cheek before she disappeared with a 'pop'.

Her day as a healer went by uneventful and soon it was time for her to floo to Hogwarts. When she had arrived in Dumbledore's office she was met with a quite familiar sight. The room hadn't changed much since she had been here the last time four years ago.

Dumbledore was sitting on his chair behind his big desk and it seemed that he had been waiting for her. With a smile tugged to his lips he greeted her and than mentioned for her to sit in one of the comfy chairs.

"Well, Mrs. Potter, what brings you to my office?" With Albus Dumbledore it never was talking around the hot porridge. He always came straight down to business.

"I have had these strange dreams for some time now and I wanted to ask for your advice on what to do."

Lily began to tell him about her dream in as many details she could remember. After she had finished Dumbledore sat there quiet and staring down on his desk. After some minutes he looked up again and his eyes shined brightly with new found hope.

"I would assume that he is out there somewhere and calling for your help, Lily. And I am sure you had figured that much out by yourself. Now is the problem on how to get there, isn't it?" Lily only nodded her head. There was no need for words.

"Has there been a special place to only you and James? Like a meadow or an old building? Something that was of most importance for only you two?"

Lily thought hard about this. There had been quite some places that where of great importance for her and James. Like the lake on the Hogwarts grounds where they had kissed for the first time or the Room of Requirement where she had given into the passion for the first time. But he couldn't be anywhere on Hogwarts' grounds, could he?

Than, it hit her with full force:

"The Potters Mansion! It was there that he had asked me to marry him and it was also there, that I told him of my pregnancy!" Lily said in a low and shocked whisper. It had been in front of her eyes all the time. Why hadn't she come up with the solution earlier?

"Are you sure? Do you know if the Mansion has this type of stone wall somewhere?"

And again Lily only nodded. It was this one time that James had shown her the cellar where he had explored the mansion in his earlier years. He had told her all about the secret passages and hidden rooms. It had been a very exiting day for both of them.

Now, having confirmed her thought, Dumbledore stood up and went to the huge fireplace. He threw some floo powder in there and called for Minerva McGonagall.

They waited for her arrival in silence, both of them deep in thoughts. When the Transfiguration teacher finally stepped in the room she gave Lily a quick hug, before sitting down next to her.

During the next hours they discussed what to do and who needed to be informed. Than, finally, it was time for Lily to return home to Harry and Remus. She couldn't wait until the day that she would return home not only to Harry but also into the loving arms of her husband.**

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**A/N:** Please, leave a review, I'm beggin' you!****


	5. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

It was a dark and cold night. The pale light of the moon fought its way through the tree crowns. Dark clouds moved over the even darker firmament and only from time to time stars could be seen. There was no wind and it was dark enough to not be able to see your own hand in front of your face.

In short it was a perfect night to do something without having to fear that someone might watch you.

Black hooded figures where sneaking through the grass and from time to time they would hide behind a bush or a tree to take a closer look at their surroundings. It seemed as they where trying hard to not bee seen.

Even though the black figures where coming from different directions, they all had one goal: the big dark building on top of that large hill.

When looking at it by bright day light the house looked very comfortable and nice. It had been built with red brick stones that had darkened by the many hundred years that have passed. For every person who took a look at this building, it was obvious that its inhabitants must be very rich. To be perfectly true: the Potters are supposed to be one of the richest families within the wizarding community. But they are not only known in the magical but also in the muggle world as very nice and friendly people.

But during the last years the beautiful old building had been abandoned. Why, the inhabitants of the little village on the hill side do not know. Since the Potters only had one son it couldn't be of differences between heirs. And that the Potters had died and their only son James had survived, was common knowledge to the inhabitants of Brighton. But why James had left Godrics Hall and had never returned was a mystery.

Now, in the dead of night, the dark figures all had met on the left side of the building, which was facing the nearby forest. They all had cuddled up in the long and dark shadows. If somebody would have looked out of one of the various high windows, he wouldn't be able to them.

All was very quiet. Not even the dears in the forest would have dared to make any noise that could interrupt this little odd gathering.

"Okay, listen up. You all know the protections that had been laid on this building by Godric. Since we weren't able to ask James on how we could get around these strong security measurements, it took us a great deal of research, but we have succeeded. I am now going to open a secret entrance to the cellars. We do not have more than thirty minutes to go in, find James and to get out of here. You all are aware that this is not just any rescuing mission so it is clear, that we have to count in any casualties. But lets hope it will not happen. Any questions?" the leader of the group, Alastor Moody, asked. Moody was one of the top aurors that worked for the Ministry of Magic and he had been training this group for such highly dangerous missions. They all knew what they had to do and nobody dared to ask any question or even crack a joke. They where well aware of the risk that they all where taking. "Than lets go inside and kick some deatheaters arse!"

With that Alastor Moody turned around, made a complicate looking movement with his wand and than stepped to the little wooden door that had just appeared out of nowhere.

All six figures stepped quickly through the door and the last one closed it without making any sound.

The passageway behind the door was pitch black. Even more so than the night outside. No torches were lit to lighten it up. Moody, as he was the leader of this group, went ahead and held up his enlightened wand so the fellow aurors wouldn't stumble and make any noise.

The secret passageway ended abruptly and a narrow staircase led down into even more darkness. The steps where small and caved. You had to look out if you didn't want to slip and fall down.

Still, Moody was leading the group and one after the other followed him until they where eloped in the darkness.

It seemed they had been walking for quite some hours now but in reality it had been only few minutes, when they reached the end. Since Moody had extinguished the light at the tip of his wand, the darkness had welcomed them with open arms. From now on, they will have to cope with this total and utter darkness.

Quietly only Moody and two others followed this passageway who had broadened. When they arrived at the first door on their left side, the two aurors positioned themselves on either side, while Moody stood ready to open it, wand in hand. On a short nod, he threw a whispered "Alohomora!" at the door and opened it quickly. Inside, the room was very small and it seemed, that nobody had entered it since the last great war against Grindlewald.

With a frown, Moody closed the door again and the three moved on towards the next door, repeating their procedure.

This room was a lot bigger than the former one, and through one little barred window the moon enlightened the scenery. And it wasn't a nice one, to tell you that much. Behind Moody the two aurors entered and silently closed the door behind them. Than, the silence enveloped them all again, as they where taking in the picture that was presented them.

The walls were lined with chains, wooden sticks and other torturing instruments. A little fire had been started in the fireplace but it was doomed to die down any minute or so. Next to it stood a cage, like the ones you see in the zoos. In the farthest corner a little bundle was to bee seen. It didn't look up or even move at all.

Slowly, Moody made his way towards the cage, to take a closer look if this was James or not. Only two feet away, he silently called his name.

"James? James Potter, is that you?"

Suddenly a head jerked up and two brown eyes, who had once been full of live and joy and where now dead, looked up on him. With a cracking voice, the prisoner answered:

"Who are you?"

Slowly, to not scare him, Moody made the two last steps and bent down on his knees to be on the same level.

"Moody. _Are_ you James Potter or not?" Moody had never been one of a patient person, but he knew he had to control himself if he wanted an answer.

"Yes, I'm James Henry Potter." With that, James had fainted due to the use of all the strength he had left.

"Moody," one of the aurors hissed, "somebody is coming! We need to get him out of here!"

With a well placed spell, Alastor Moody opened the door to the cage and levitated James up. Than, he went back to his two companions.

"McGowan, how many?" he asked quietly, a map of hidden passageways and rooms already forming in his head.

"Thee, I think. But no more than five!" the auror with the name McGowan answered.

A grim nod came from Alastor and slowly, McGowan opened the door to take a look into the passageway. But to his big surprise, he couldn't find any signs of death eaters activity. Shaking his head he looked to Moody to get his orders.

"Okay, we don't have much time left, we need to get out, no matter what!" With that, the three intruders left the room and went back all the way to where they had left the remainder of the rescuing team.

The other team members looked relieved, when they saw James' body levitated up behind Moody. Quickly they turned back and went upstairs to get out.

Back in the dark of night and a few miles away from Godrics Hall, they high-fived each other. Not very often those rescue missions ended with such good statistics: nobody had been injured and the captured person was well and alive. Often, the rescuers just found the left over of a dead body, which made the job more dangerous and less enjoyable. But sometimes they realised what their job was worth. Especially, when the mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, sons or daughters where able to reunite again.


	6. Chapter 5

Hey guys,

first of all I want to thank everybody who is still reading that story. I am really so sorry that it takes me so long to give you more to read, but my life has changed dramastically during the last weeks and university really doesn't make it easier for me. But I'm trying to write more, since this is the last full chapter I've written.

So, thanxs again to everybody out there! I love you guys! hugs-and-kisses

Lilian85

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**CHAPTER 5**

The minutes went by teasingly slow as Lily was waiting in the living-room of her flat. It was early in the morning hours and the first sign of dawn where slowly creeping up on the horizon.

Harry was peacefully asleep in his room. He didn't know what was going on. Lily doubted that he would understand, even though she always had the impression, that her little boy was pretty smart for his age.

Albus Dumbledore had told her that the rescue mission was taking place tonight. She hadn't been able to sleep and so she had gone into the living-room to think. Soon, her thoughts returned to a very special day during her seventh year in Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

**- Trip down Memory Lane -**

_It had been a hot sunny summer. The first signs of autumn were already in the air, but still the weather had been pleasantly. It was the 1st of September and Lilian Evans would return to her seventh and final year in Hogwarts. To her big surprise, she had received a letter, telling her that she had been chosen head girl. It had made her happy to no end and even her parents, though they didn't understand much of the going-ons in the wizarding world, had been very proud of her. Much to her sisters' dismay, of course._

_Her summer had been very pleasant. She had been on a trip to the Caribbean with her two best friends as a present from her parents for her 17th birthday and her coming of age in the wizarding world. The three girls had immensely enjoyed themselves and vowed to do that again sometime in the future._

_To her greatest shock – a light understatement – she had to discover that James Potter, her arch enemy, had been made head boy. But as if it wasn't enough, James had changed over the summer to her surprise and wasn't that big-headed, self-centred boy anymore. No, he had turned into a smart, witty and caring boy, who still loved to have fun in live. _

_During one stormy night in November she had found out the cause of those changes and they weren't pleasant ones. _

_It was mid November and a strong thunder storm had its tight grip on Hogwarts. The trees were rattling in the wind, rain was splashing on the windows and the sturm was howling around the towers and walls of the castle. It was black outside and dark heavy clouds were moving over the black sky. _

_Lily had been sitting in the warm and cozy Gryffindor common-room when a slight movement outside had caught her eye. A person was wandering outside, seemingly uncaring about the heavy storm. Lily's caring side showed and soon she was on her way outside. _

_With difficulties she tried to open the great oak doors when a gust of wind caught it and smashed it against the nearby wall. Within seconds Lily was soaking wet, but right now she could care less. _

_Slowly she was walking down the slickly steps out into the ground. The figure, she had seen, had been near the lake so she decided to look there first. Maybe he or she was still there._

_Lily had never experienced such a bad thunder storm. It was really creepy and she hoped to find the wandering person as soon as possible._

_When she had rounded a corner of the castle and saw the lake she also saw a tiny person sitting on the footbridge. Her heart was pounding when she got nearer. Still she couldn't see who it was nor what the person was doing. Curiosity had caught the better of her and she had fastened her steps. _

_It was hard to see through the curtain of rain drops and the many leaves the wind was blowing around. Lily figured, that this must be some boy, because of his broad shoulders and his height. He must be at least half a head taller than her! With force Lily moved her feet against the strong wind and the rain and after a few moments she had reached the dark and lonely figure. _

_Carefully Lily laid a hand on his shoulders. His cloak was dripping wet as well as his hair. Still he stood there, strong and proud. When her skin connected with the black cloak her heart started to beat even faster._

_Than, suddenly, the boy turned around and Lily's mouth escaped a gasp. It was none other than James Potter! But what was he doing here?_

"_What are you doing here?" she asked him curious of his answer. His face was red because of the cold and Lily could have sworn that there were not only rain drops on his face. His dark brown eyes glimmered as if he had been crying. But James and crying? Something that fit as much as pepper and sugar. It just wouldn't fit! Or was Lily wrong?_

"_What do you care!" His voice was cold and raspy. He really had been crying! _

"_James, come on inside! You will kill yourself out here!" Lily yelled over the raging storm. It was getting heavier and heavier each minute._

"_Well, it's exactly what I want. But you… you go back before something happens! _

"_NO! I will not leave you here!" _

"_Lily, please! Leave me alone! Why do you care anyway?"_

"_Because… because I know that something is wrong. It would be foolish of me to leave you here in your pain! So, you better start explaining or I will hex you back inside!" Her anger was rising! How could this boy be so stupid?_

_James was clenching his jaw. He wasn't able to think straight when Lily was even near but right now he couldn't think at all! He was wondering why she suddenly was caring about him and his health. She had never before, so why now? Just because she figured out that something was wrong? Well, that was not hard to figure out. James wasn't really sure if he could trust her. Was she really caring or did she just care because she was head girl and had to care about each and every students well-being? Oh, that woman was so confusing!_

"_Listen, Evans, I don't care if you care, just leave me ALONE!" he yelled at her rain soaked figure. He could see that she was cold, since her whole body had started to shake and Lily had wrapped her arm around her torso. _

"_Fine!" with that Lily turned around and ran back to the castle. If HE didn't want her help than HE sure wouldn't get it! Wrapped up in her thoughts she missed the pained cry from James. _

_later that evening _

_Shortly after his fight with Lily James returned to the common room, all wet and shaking because of the cold. He knew, he would be sick tomorrow but honestly, he could care less. Life just wasn't all that great anymore anyhow! _

_The common room was already dark, only the dying fire in the fireplace enlightened the place a little bit. But it was enough for James to meet the gaze of the purest and darkest green eyes he knew, only one person owned. _

_James heart gave a jolt and with two long strides he was at her side and encircled Lily in his arms. "I'm sorry Lily! I didn't mean to be so harsh. I was just confused that you would care… about me nonetheless! I.. I mean, you hate me!" he whispered with a pained voice. "I'm sorry!"_

"_I don't, you dolt! I stopped hating you a while ago, it just took me so long to notice… I guess, seeing you at the lake just gave me the final push, you know… " Lily mumbled into his shoulder. He smelled of rain and vanilla, but more strongly he smelled like… well… James, just plainly James. And in that second, Lily realised, that she was head over heels in love with one James Harold Potter, her former arch enemy! _

_Lily tightened her grip in James hip even more. He wasn't supposed to leave her and she sure as hell wouldn't let him! _

_Slowly she lifted up her head and met his hazel eyes… one of his most beautiful feature (next to his hair and body built of course). None of these both had intended what happened next, but the power, forcing them together in their first passionate kiss, was just too strong to withdraw. And so their lips met, for their first intense kiss…_

**- End of Trip down Memory Lane -**

With the fading pictures of the memory the reality came back to her. The clock on the mantle piece showed 6 o'clock and Lily still hadn't heard anything about the rescue mission. Slowly, she became frightened. What, if the rescuing mission went awfully wrong? What if James was dead by now? It was her fault, because she hadn't reacted earlier when the signs had been clear. What if someone of the other aurors had died just to get her husband save? Oh, it was so frustrating…

Suddenly, the flames in the fireplace turned green and Albus' head became visible. With few strides Lily knelt down in front of the fireplace.

"Lily, we found him, come as fast as you can to St. Mungos!" And with that his head had vanished again.

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Please, review so that I have some feedback if you like it or not! 

I don't think this story is going to have many more chapters, but I hope I will write at least a view more.


	7. Chapter 6

Hey, I'm really so rorry that it took me so long to finally update but I had a really bad disease - it's called writer's block I think - and I just couldn't think on how to get on with the story.

I'm still not sure so if anybody has a wish or a hint for me I'll gladly take it. Just e-mail me, I'm looking foreward.

I want to thank everybody who ever reviewed one of my stories. Oh, by the way, I got a new one-shot up, so if you would take a look ... it's called "Regrets" and it is about ... well, don't be so noisy and take a look into my profile! _devil-grin_

Now, I'm going to shut up. Just one more remark: Only the plot is mine!

Have fun and don't forget to review!!!

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**CHAPTER 6**

White. Everything was white and in a blur. It really hurt his eyes and… wait! Why was his cage suddenly white?? And why where there no bars??? _Oh my, it must be one of those strange dreams again_, a very groggy James Potter thought, before he drifted back into a deep slumber.

The next time, James regained consciousness he wasn't alone anymore. Some weird people, all in white clothing, were standing around his bed. All of them were smiling down at him, which was even more creepy.

Suddenly, one of the men spoke:

"Hello Mr. Potter, it's good to see you alive and awake! My name is Dr. Jonas and if you need anything, please call one of the nurses. They will provide you with whatever you need!" And with that said, Dr. Jonas turned around an left his room. Which left him with three nurses still smiling down on him. Still creepy!

"Well… ehem… I would like to go to the rest room if you don't mind…" His voice sounded horribly because of its lack of use.

As if on commando the nurses left his room to give him his need privacy to relieve himself. Well, actually, this had been a bit of a lie, but with three monsters in white looming above you, who wouldn't try to get rid of them?? I mean, come on, it really is creepy, ya know??

And to James great luck, they didn't bother him for some time.

But with the silence his thoughts turned automatically as they had always done in all those tortured years to the one person he graved to see. He knew somehow that Lily was alive and he really hoped that she knew of his rescue. His heart ached to see her, smell her and to touch her. She was his one and only treasure along with their adoring son Harry.

Again he wondered how much time had passed. He couldn't tell day from night while having been in captivity in a room without window.

So how long had it been since his rescue?? Hours, even days?? He really had no idea but was also not fond of calling a nurse to ask. So he would have to wait for someone else to ask and James had learned to be patient.

To his surprise he didn't have to wait long for that opportunity. Only a few minutes later the door opened and in came …

"Lily!"

Thankfully he was already strong enough to jump out of the bed and to meet her half way. He encircled her in his arms as he would never ever let her go.

Lily also had engulfed him in a tight hug not being able to fight back the tears that were cascading down her cheeks. She had been strong on the outside during the last years but internals she had slowly broken down. And now James was back in her life, her only true love.

James was the first to break the embrace. He held Lily at arms length and looked her all over: her untameable red locks, her sparkling green eyes, her lips and her body.

"You look absolutely ravishing, my dear!" he whispered before pulling her towards him again. But this time not to embrace her but to do the only thing he had wanted to do for so long: to kiss her.

The kiss was loving and slow. It was their way to tell each other how much they had missed the partner and how much they loved them.

The kiss didn't take long but still it hold all of their emotions. It was kiss none of them would ever forget.

"How are you doing, honey?" It was the first time for Lily to speak and for James it was the most lovely sound he had heard.

"Fine." When he said that a sceptical look crossed Lily's face and he knew that she knew better. To be honest, he was getting tired and he wanted to go sit down or even lay down on his bed. And without having said a word Lily lead him back to his bed and gently pushed him onto it.

Lily was a little surprised that he didn't even object. And so James laid down again. But still, he would not go to sleep before he had asked one more question. So he turned to Lily who had taken a seat on his bed too.

"How … how about Harry?" He was afraid of the answer but on the other hand did Lily survive so why should Harry not have?

"What about him?" she smiled reassuringly back at him. "He is absolutely fine and very anxious to meet the Daddy he only knows from pictures. You want me to bring him with me the next time I come to visit you?"

"Yes, please. How old is he anyways?"

"He is already five! And absolutely gorgeous!" her smile deepened at the memory of her little boy. In a few hours her biggest dream would actually come true: she would be able to give Harry a whole family with a Mom and a Dad.

"So he has my genes!" James joked around. "But probably your brains!"

"Yeah, he probably has. But I'm better be leaving now. You must be pretty tired!" she said while standing up off the bed.

"Wait, please stay with me. I … I don't want to let you go yet. Please!"

The despair and fright in his hazel eyes was like a knife in Lily's heart. What had they done to him that he even was frightened of being alone? James had once been the strongest person she had known and he had always been there for here when she really needed a shoulder to hold on. Suddenly Lily got the feeling that from now on she would be the strong person in their relationship.

"Okay, I'll stay until you're asleep." With that said she climbed back into his bed and laid down beside him. Cuddled up there it took James only a few minutes to fall asleep. Lily stayed with him for more than half an hour before she carefully untangled herself from his grip trying not to wake him up and silently left his room. Only one single red rose on his bed side table was left behind.

_the next day_

"Mommy! Are you sure he is my daddy?" a very nervous Harry asked for the hundredths time that day an also very anxious Lily. Well, how could she not have known?

"Yes, I'm positively sure! And now stop asking these question, you will see for yourself in a few moments!"

They had arrived the room in which James stayed. Two aurors guarded the door but since Lily had been here the day before the aurors only nodded for her to enter. One last deep breath and she opened the door with a wide smile on her face.

"Hey, James, how are you doing?"

James was already fully clothed in black pants and a maroon shirt. He always wore dark colors since they brought out his eyes the best.

He stood in front of the window and had turned around when he heard the door open.

But all he could see was his son Harry, it's been the first time he had seen him for four years. And a child does change much within those years.

Suddenly he recognised Harry no longer was a little baby but a child. He now knew how many years he must have been in captivity and a sudden anger rose inside him. He would never be able to turn back time and see his only son grow up.

"Hey, Harry!" he spoke with a raspy voice. He really didn't know how to act nor what to say. Luckily, Harry took matters in his own hand as he ran straight to him, screaming:

"Daddy! Daddy!" James lifted him up with a huge grin plastered on his face. Even some tears escaped. Both, dad and son, held onto each other for dear life.

A moment later Lily had joined them and gently hugged both of her men. The happiness she felt was clearly visible through her eyes as she looked up into the eyes of her beloved husband. Both of them understood the meaning of this situation: that they are united and would be a whole family again.

But for James it also meant that now was able to take step by step on his road of recovery. Four years of captivity and torture did not go by without leaving their marks on him. But with Lily and Harry he would be able to take step by step and in the end would recover fully.

After a few minutes in silence Lily stepped back. James sat Harry back on the ground still smiling happily.

"Well, do you would like to leave for a stroll? Or better head home?" Lily asked with a knowing smile. She already knew the answer.

James stared at her in surprise.

"Home? Of course I want to go home! Well, wherever this might be…"

Lily had spoken to the doctors and they had given their okay for James to leave. He still would have to take medicine and take it on slowly but he was in a good enough health to leave. And home always is the best place for full recovery.

"It's a little bit outside Hogsmeade." She answered. "Let's go then."

With that said Lily, James and Harry left the room and went to the nearby fireplace. After telling the receptionist that James Potter was checking out they took floopowder from a nearby pot and Lily was first to throw it in and said:

"Potter Apartment" And with stepping into the green flames she had vanished. James followed her quickly with Harry in his arms in a tight embrace so he wouldn't lose him.


	8. Chapter 7

Hey,

I finally have a new chapter up for you! have fun and please review if - or if not - you liked it!!

**

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****Chapter 7**

James nearly stumbled when he left the fireplace with Harry in his arms but luckily was Lily there to catch him. Slowly he sat Harry down on the ground to take a closer look on their new home. He recognised Lily's style in decoration and some furniture he even new was from their old house.

But before he could take a closer look Harry stepped up to him, took his right hand and happily said:

"Daddy, I even have my own room. You wanna see?" And without waiting for the answer her ran to his room, dragging his father with him.

A happy smile showed in Lily's face. She hadn't been sure how Harry would react to this new person he had never seen in his life before. Most of the time Harry got really shy around foreign persons and it took usually a few minutes for him to warm up. But, now that he wanted to show his dad his own room, she knew that he had accepted James as his father. This knowledge took a great deal of her uneasy feeling from her and she knew now, that they both had the needed strength to help James to make a quick recovery. But she also knew, that he would never be the same man she got married to or she fell in love with. But she would get used to it and this fact didn't change her feelings towards James at all. She still loved him with all her heart and she sure would let him know that.

Lily could hear the boys talking while she went into the kitchen to start on their lunch. She had planed to cook James favourite meal: spaghetti with tomato sauce, the same as Harry's. She always was astonished about how much these two people had in common even though they had never seen each other. The future would get pretty interesting to find out how much alike they really are.

Lily was so caught up in preparing the lunch that she didn't hear James entering the kitchen. Lily jumped when suddenly two arms where wrapped around her waist and James pecked her on the cheek.

"Sorry, Lils, I didn't want to scare you!" he whispered into her ear and a chill run down her spine.

"No big deal. I probably just have to get used to it. Usually it was only Harry and he would always come running into the kitchen with as much noise as possible." she explained.

"Lily, can I ask you something?" James asked after spinning her slowly around to face him.

Lily heard in his voice that it would be a serious question that had been troubling him for some time.

"Yes, sure. What do you want to know?"

"Well, I .. I don't really know how to ask and I really hope you won't get mad at me and …"

"James, just ask me and stop rambling!"

"Well, I wanted to know whether you saw someone … somebody …. another man I mean."

His eyes looked everywhere in the kitchen but not to her. It troubled Lily a little to know that he didn't trust her love as he used to but on the other hand she understood that it was something he needed to know.

"No, I have never been with another man than only you, James Potter. You are the one I love and I have never failed this love, I promise!" her voice showed the honesty behind her words and she saw that her answer was a relieve to James.

He looked her in the eyes for a moment and than hugged her tightly.

"Sorry, I had to ask this but I wanted to know it if …" his voiced was cracking slightly and Lily felt salty tears on her neck. She hugged him back as tight as she could and it scared her to feel his thin body shape. She wondered where all these muscles he once had from playing Quidditch were gone and she could only imagine the answer. The pain in her grew with the changes she saw and recognised in her husband. It pained her to no end that he had to endure something so terrible and she escaped. Somehow she felt responsible for his condition.

"I love you James, and only you!" with that she pushed him off her a little, looked him in the eyes and kissed him tenderly. It was a kiss meant to show him her feelings.

They broke apart when they heard the water boiling. Lily turned around to finish the lunch and James started his tour through his new home.

From the kitchen he entered the spacious living-room which was colored in a bright yellow. The colour fitted perfectly with the dark red couch and chairs. The furniture mostly was a dark brown and the walls where lined with pictures of her and Harry. Stepping closer to the wall he found a picture that made his heart speed up a little: it was a picture taken at their wedding day. Both of them where smiling happily into the camera. It was a day he had remembered so many times during enduring the torture. It had been the most priced memory to keep him alive and sane and it made him happy that Lily obviously thought the same.

James heard Lily stepping behind him and encircling his waist.

"I used to look at this picture everytime I entered that flat and Harry would always ask if this man on the picture was his father. He used to ask so many questions about you and where you had gone off to. Sometimes it was hard for me to find answers to his many questions but I couldn't tell him the truth. He wouldn't have understood. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this and – if I could – I would turn back time to never let it happen. I really wish I could do that."

James turned around in her arms and looked into her eyes deeply.

"I know that, my Lily-flower, but I also know that it will never happen. I'm just so thankful that I can see you and Harry again and this makes me the happiest bloke alive." In his dark brown eyes she saw the sparkling that she was used to. Recently his eyes had been dull and full of pain.

"Lily, I know that there will be a hard time coming upon us but I want to make it through with you and Harry. I want us to be the family we once used to be. I love you guys so much I can't even describe it and seeing your face again made me so happy. I know that we have to talk about what happened – probably more for my sake than yours – but please, give me some time, okay? It's already as hard as it is but I promise, I'll tell you sometime, just not now."

"James, I want you to take as much time as you need to get used to your new life and I promise I won't push you. But please, don't wait too long, okay?"

"Yes, I promise I won't. But let's not think about what was but what is going to come." James said. He now was sure, that he would make a good recovery with the help of his lovely wife, son and friends. And one day, he would turn into the James Potter he once was.

"Will you get Harry please?" Lily asked him returning to the kitchen.

"Yup!" he answered, smiling happily.

During their lunch they chatted happily. Since James had been held in captivity he craved to know what had happened to his friends and to the rest of the magical world. And so Lily and Harry had to tell him many things.

After their lunch was finished, James brought Harry into bed for his daily nap and left his room quietly after Harry fell asleep.

Meanwhile had Lily cleaned the table and put the dishes into the dish washer. It was a comfort she wouldn't want to miss in the world even though of her magic skills. She had never been able to let go of the muggle ways she grew up with.

Since they weren't able to finish their round in the flat earlier they started again. James went directly into the bedroom, but before entering he send one last glance towards Lily to ask for her permission. It still was her room and he didn't really knew what to expect. A silent nod was all he needed and he opened the door slowly.

He recognised the room at once: it was the exact same room as they had in Godric's Hollow. The walls were painted in a deep scarlet with white furniture. Even the furniture was the same! Slowly he made his way towards the part of the closet that used to be his and to his biggest surprise it contained his clothes and everything they were able to rescue from their home. Even his broom had been saved.

With a happy smile he turned around towards his wife. She was smiling back at him.

"You've kept this all these years? But why?" he asked her in astonishment.

"Because it belonged to you and I never gave up hope that you would eventually return. So I thought it would be a nice welcome present. And it reminded me as lot of you and me. There were so many memories I just couldn't let them go." she simply answered.

James still couldn't believe what he saw. Silently he laid the broom on the bed and took a few steps towards Lily. When he reached her, he silently encircled her in his arms and their lips met in a loving kiss. James wasn't able to say anything. He didn't trust his voice right now to firm coherent words.

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If you liked it, please review!!!!!

Thx a lot!

Love, Lilian85


	9. Chapter 8

**ATTENTION: There is going to be sexual actions and rape in this chapter. If you do not like these topics, please do not read. I'll put up a summery in the next chapter!**

Well, this propably is the longest chapter I've written. So I hope you enjoy it and give me a review!!!

**Chapter 8**

A few days later James was feeling so good that he wanted to have a little party with his friends. He was anxious to meet Sirius and Remus again and he couldn't wait until it was time for them to appear. He was as excited as a kid on his birthday.

Lily could only smile at him happily every time she saw him dancing around in the flat. James wasn't much of a help with the preparations but Lily didn't find herself being able to get mad at him. After all, he had always been like a little child, even after Harry's birth.

"James, dear, why don't you go and get Harry ready? It really gets on my nerves when you're jumping and running around in the living room like a head-less hippogriff!" Lily told him smiling happily.

James made a pouting face and looked at her with his big brown eyes.

"But Lileeeee, I am so excited!" Oh, he really could be a kid sometimes!

"James, please! It's still two hours and we have to get ready, too!" she told him firmly and he trotted towards Harry's room to change him into the newly bought clothes.

Lily made the final touches and satisfied she left the living-room to get a shower and get dressed. Entering her bedroom she heard the shower already being turned on and James whistling some tune. What song it was she couldn't figure out since James hat never been the best to whistle. But hearing him whistle made her happy because it showed her that James had began to leave the past behind and that he was happy.

Lily took off her clothes and went to meet her husband in the shower. Her body was wrapped up in her favourite towel: crimson red with a big snitch in the center. It had been James gift on their first anniversary still back in school. His gifts always were a bit strange but they came from his heart and that's what mattered.

Lily knocked on the door before entering the bathroom. It was a deal they had made to not get him scared everytime somebody appeared suddenly. The first days he used to jump at every sound he heard but since he started to relax he wasn't so jumpy anymore. But they still had the agreement to knock before entering to let the other one know that somebody was coming in.

The bathroom was fogged so she hardly could make out the shower. She came to a halt in front if the mirror and took a closer look at herself. Lily surely looked happier and healthier and her dark green eyes were shining brightly. It still amazed her what an effect James had on her.

Suddenly James stood behind her, opened her towel and lead her into the shower with him. Lily was surprised by his actions but didn't say anything. She could clearly see his aroused member. They had agreed that they would let him decide when it was the right time to let their bodies show their love. But Lily hadn't expected it to be so soon.

And James was aroused, she could see it in his eyes and his look got her aroused too. Again, she wondered on the effects James had on her.

Together they stepped under the warm shower when James pushed her gently against the cold tiles. His body was craving her attention, she could feel it.

Lily let her hands wander through his wet hair. Even though being wet, it stood up in all directions. His hair was very soft and Lily loved feeling it under her hands.

Their lips locked together forcefully and both got caught up in the heat of their passion. This wasn't about love anymore. It was about passion and getting satisfied.

James's hands were roaming her body hungrily and he only gave his attention to her breasts for a few moments. He sucked and licked at her nipples until they hardened.

To show Lily his arousal he pressed his body against hers and a little moan escaped her mouth.

She had also started to let her hands wander down his body and gripped his firm rear. She loved the feeling of his body pressed against her and the attention he gave to her body.

Soon she felt his hands near her very center. James had always known how to touch her to get her over the edge quickly and full force.

James felt that Lily was just aroused as he was when he let one finger enter her. Not having had sex for the past years had let her getting tighter and that aroused him more than anything else.

Both their breathing was heavy and irregular. Their lips had met again and they were fighting a wild battle. They wanted to taste and feel each other, something both had missed during the last years.

James didn't give Lily the chance to touch him in his private and very aroused region, instead he had pinned her arms above her head with one hand while the other was stroking her clit.

When he pushed two fingers into her she couldn't take it any longer. She pushed her hips against his to show him what she wanted and needed. James was glad to oblige. Looking into her eyes he buried himself deep within her and both let a deep moan escape.

Her legs wrapped around his waist and he held her in place. He had let her hands go and her grip tightened on his shoulders. Surely her nails had left marks on his skin but right now he could care less.

With each trust he penetrated her deeper and hit spots she had long forgotten about. James always had had the talent to bring her over the edge fast. And this time it happened too. With one last deep moan he emptied himself deep inside her while her inner walls clenched around him.

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"Prongs, old man!" Sirius cried out after popping out of the fireplace. While he was jumping at his longly believed dead best friend, Remus Lupin appeared right behind him. Instead of jumping at James he slowly went towards Lily and gave her a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you, Lily!" he said, and then turned around and went to James, who had been let free of Sirius' tight embrace, to also give him a tight embrace.

"Uncle Siri, Uncle Remi!" Harry came running out of his room at the voice of his too uncles. He also received a thigh hug from each of them. Then they all sat down together on the sofa in the spacious living-room. They hadn't even started any conversartion when the fire in the fireplace turned into a dark green and out of it came Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonnagall.

"James Potter! I am so fortunate to see you alive and happy as ever! I hope that you are beeing treated well, I asume?" A happy sparkle was seen in his midnight blue eyes, matching to his blue robe with gold and silver stars circling around.

"Yes, Albus. I've been treated well these past days. You know Lily after all …" James answered his former headmaster with an undefinable smile.

Everybody in the room knew what James was talking about and slowly the fear crept into each of them when James might break and tell everything. Nobody really wanted to know what had happened. And as clever as they all where, they also knew that their imagination would not be enough.

"I am very happy to hear this! And where is youngster Harry? I believe I have something in my pocket for you that I can not find. Would you mind helping me with that task?"

This was something you didn't need to tell Harry twice. James watched astonished as his little son went to the tall headmaster and grabbed into his pockets to look for the little present Dumbledore told him about. And as soon he had found it he went back to his uncles and parents to present them his new toy: a little wand for children. It send sparks into the air and clowed a bright deep red. It reminded James much of the Gryffindor colors.

Meanwhile Minerva McGonnagall went foreward to tell James hello. She had been their former Head of House and Transfiguration teacher. She had been very strikt to them but when having had trouble she would always stick to the students in her house.

"I am so happy to see you, James!" and with that she did yomething she never had done before: she pulled him into a tight embrace. As Sirius saw this he started to whistle and said:

"Way to go, Prongs!" Laughing like a maniac he didn't realise how close he was to the edge of the sofa and it only needed a little push from Remus to let Sirius have a meeting with the floor. And now everybody else had a very good laugh. But as Sirius was used to it he laughed along with them.

"Well, now that everybody has arrived, I think we could let the party start now!" Lily said and went to grab the cake from the kitchen. Since it was James' party she had only cooked thing she knew he liked. And one of them was apple pie with whipped cream.

"But … " James looked at her confused. "But where are Frank and Alice?"

Suddenly it became quiet in the room. Nobody dared to move or speak.

James eyes where lingering on her. Lily didn't think about telling him what had happened during his capture and James never really had asked. Now he would have to face his first shock and Lily had the feeling that more of them where to come.

"Well, … you know … " Lily didn't really know how to tell him about the Longbottoms. Frank had also been very close friend with the Marauders, especially with James.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?" he suddenly shouted at her and started walking towards her with long strides. His faces showed pure anger and unconsciously Lily stepped back a few steps.

"James?" she called him quietly. Everybody else stared at James in shock since he had never lost his temper in front of Lily. And never has he been reacting like this towards her. It showed eveyone just how much he had changed.

"WHAT!" he still spoke to her in a loud voice and was walking towards her until she had hit the wall.

"James!" Sirius called. "Come over here and while Lily gets the food we'll tell you what has happened."

Relieved that nothing bad had happened, Lily turned towards the kitchen when James walked back to the sofa.

James sat down besides Remus and looked into the round. He had the feeling that they didn't have good news for him but he tried to fight the sad feeling that grew in his stomach.

"Okay, spill."

"After Voldemort had vanished the Death Eaters went nuts without their leader. They realized that they where nothing without their precious Dark Lord and they needed something – or better to say someone – to free their anger on. And during these times they propably did their worst crimes. They did not only kill people but they also turtured them into insanity. Sadly, Frank and Alice have been one of their victims. They are lying in St. Mungos not even recognizing their own son Neville."

James was shocked. He had known of the cruelty of the Death Eaters since he had fought against them day and night but he could not imagine that they could be that cruel. It was one thing to kill people but in his eyes, torturing people was even worse than that.

The silence in the room was nearly unbearable. Only Harry, who didn't understand what was going on, was brabbling in the corner of the room and played with his new toy.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

James really was sorry about what had happened to the Longbottoms. Frank has been his first good friend since their parents had been living next to each other. During their Hogwarts time both had been on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and had even stayed in regular contact after their graduation.

"Excuse me." He said and went towards the kitchen.

* * *

Lily had gone into the kitchen after James had returned to Sirius. She was shaken by his sudden outburst and she couldn't help it, but it scared her. A lot. James had shown some sort of behaviour that was totally untypical for him, especially towards her.

Hands shaking, Lily leaned onto the sink trying to fight the tears. But it was a lost case and soon they where cascading down her cheeks. Lily was scared of what would come in the future and if she could really live with it.

She hadn't heard James coming in and it startled her to suddenly hear his voice.

"Lils, I'm sorry! I didn't want to scare you but I … I didn't know what to do. I'm really truly sorry!" He stood in front of her leaving space between them. Probably not to scare her, Lily thought.

"No, it was my fault. I should have told you. But I wasn't sure how to tell you or how you'd take it. I mean, a lot had happened during those last years and I didn't want to cause you even more pain. I wanted to give you time to settle and give the bad affects of the war a rest. I want you to get better James, and not hurt you by putting the heavy weight of the past upon your shoulders. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Lily could feel that more situations like these where going to happen in the future, and it showed that it wouldn't be easy on both of them.

"You're so sweet." With that James stepped forward and encircled her in his arms. He buried his nose in the crook of her neck and whispered:

"Thanks for giving it a rest. There is so much on my mind, so many new things that I can't really work everything out right now. My head feels like a ticking bomb about to explode every second. They have done bad, _really_ bad things to me, Lily. It changed me but it is no excuse of my behaviour out there. I'm sorry. You know I love you, right?"

With the last sentence he retreated a little and looked her scare in the eyes. He loved those green orbs. He always had had the feeling that they could look into the depth of his very soul and he hoped that Lily saw now the earnest in them.

"Yes, I love you too."

They sealed their difficulties with a kiss.

"Okay, let's get the cake, shall we?" and with that James grabbed the cake and left for the living room. Lily followed him soon with the coffee and tea can. The uneasy feeling she felt in the pit of her stomach still didn't leave her. Something was up, she could feel it.

* * *

When everyone had left late in the night (better: in the early morning hours) Lily and James went to their bedroom being very tired and a little tipsy. Sirius had brought his best fire whiskey and not only one bottle but five! Everybody had had their share so five empty bottles now laid in the trash can.

With only brushing their teeth and changing into their pyjamas Lily and James were fast asleep.

_He was cold. Very cold. He felt the shaking of his body and the cold shackles on his ankles and hands. Even the collar, they had put around his neck, was cold. Little clouds were emitting out of his mouth with every breath. He could barely see since his eyes where swollen after a very bad beating he had received. _

_But what scared him most, was the fact, that he wasn't even able to feel the pain anymore. He had received beatings at a daily basis so he got used to it. But still it scared him that he wasn't able to feel anything anymore. Except the cold._

_As James started to drift off into another slumber the door suddenly opened and in came a tall man in all black clothing and still wearing the death eater mask. With few strides he stood in front of James, grabbed onto the collar and tilted his head up._

"_Well, Mr. Potter, how are we doing to today? In for another round?" he drawled._

"_What do you care. You're going to do it anyways!" James answered. Although he was tired and really needed a rest he knew that they would do everything to keep him awake. He hadn't been sleeping since he had woken up in this cellar a long time ago._

"_Very well. Than let's start, shall we." With that the Death Eater slowly pulled out a silver dagger that James knew too well and slowly started cutting into his flesh. Not too deep but deep enough that he flinched because of the pain. Small droplets of blood fell to the floor._

_After a few minutes the Death Eater stopped. _

"_Well, we're getting used to it very fast. Maybe it's time for another round?" With that he left the cell and re-entered after a few minutes with another Death Eater._

"_Hm, he looks good, don't you think?" said the first Death Eater to the new one._

"_Yes, indeed, he looks very good." The other answered. _

_Only now, James realised, that he didn't have any clothing on. He was bud naked and silent fear crept up his spine. He knew that Death Eaters where the masters of torture and he had a feeling that they where just about to demonstrate it. He could only imagine in which direction this would be going…_

_Without having said an incantation, James suddenly was forced to turn around and looked onto the brick wall. He only heard whispering when suddenly he screamed in pain. Something was penetrating his ass and it felt like it would rip him apart …_

"James! James, wake up!" Lily shook her husband until he suddenly bolted up right and started to kick around him.

She knew that he was having a really bad nightmare and hasn't awoken yet. Trying not to get in the way of his fist she shook him even more until the kicking and screaming had ended. Slowly she turned him towards her and saw tears streaming down his face. In one swift motion she pulled him into a tight hug and rocked him like baby. Lily knew that there was nothing she could do to ease James' pain but only to be there for him. So she kept on rocking him back into a dreamless slumber.


	10. Chapter 9

Hey guys,

I know it's been an awful long time since the last chapter and I really hope that anyone is going to read this one. I really was having a bad writer's block until a few days ago I had a new idea what to write more, so here it comes.

Here is the promised summary for every one who hasn't read the last chapter due to my warning:

_James and Lily were having a "Welcome-back-Party" with Remus, Sirius, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall. Everything was fine until James found out about the torturing of Frank and Alice Longbottom. He got a little mad at Lily for not telling him. In the following night James was dreaming about a very horrific moment during his captivity and Lily was softly rocking him to sleep._

So, that was it. Now comes the new chapter. Yet be warned, the is a sex-scene coming up, even though you won't notice since I'm not really that awesome on writing THOSE scenes. I'm better imageing those though! ;)

Now here comes the new chapter:

**Chapter 9**

Reality drifted slowly into James dreamless slumber. He could feel the sun on his face and hear birds singing their songs in the trees outside. The house was quiet, he couldn't hear Lily or Harry anywhere.

Fear gripped his heart tightly. What if something happened to them and he didn't wake up to help them? To defend his family against all evil? He hadn't done it once and this thought still teared up his heart. All these years ago he hadn't been able to defend what he believed to be his. His wife, his son and - not to forget – his home.

James jumped out of his bed, grabbed for his pants laying on the floor and while stepping towards the closed door he checked for his wand to be in his back pocket. It was there.

Silently he opened the bedroom door to peak into the hall. There, he heard them – voices whispering in the living room. And, to James' great relief, he heard the small voice of Harry, playing with his new wand he had gotten from Dumbledore yesterday.

Was it yesterday? Or was it the day before yesterday? Ever since he'd returned from where the Death Eaters had held him captive, he had lost the feeling of time. He couldn't say how long it took an hour to pass neither how long a day lasted. Yes, 24 hours, but he wasn't able to _feel_ it actually anymore. James knew from his auror training that this was normal for captives but to know it and to be the one who had to deal with it where two separate shoes.

James returned to the bedroom and retrieved a black shirt from his closet. Now, that he knew everything was okay and his family safe, he thought that entering the living room without a shirt would not be the wisest. He wanted nobody but Lily and his respective healers to see the scars on his former well toned chest. He knew that they scared Lily as they where symbolic for his inner scars, the ones on his soul.

When James entered the living room the talking stopped and all heads turned into his direction. Harry stood up from the place on the floor he had been sitting on and ran to him.

"Daddy! Daddy!" James took Harry in his arms and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey there, little one! How was your sleep?" All the while James couldn't get rid of the smile on his face. He absolutely loved his adorable son who looked so much like him. James could only guess how much it must have hurt Lily to look at their son every day reminding her strongly of her lost husband. He loved her the more for it.

"Good. I dreamed of flying on broom, dad!" His green orbs sparkled saying that.

"Well, if your mother allows it, I could take you for a ride on a real broom. How does that sound?" James asked, knowing the answer already. Harry was his son after all.

"Mommy! Mommy! Dad is going to let me fly on a real broom!" With that Harry started to wiggle and James let him down on the ground. Than he took a closer look on the persons sitting on the sofa in his living room.

There was Lily, of course, sitting on the sofa. Next to her sat – to his big surprise – his former boss, Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody. In the seat across the couch he saw Albus Dumbledore.

Now that Harry was playing in his corner again, Lily stepped up to James and gave him a short kiss on his lips.

"How did you sleep?" In her green eyes he saw her concern and James knew how Lily really meant this question.

"Good." James reassured her. He didn't want Lily to press the matter and it seemed that his answer was enough for her. But James knew Lily too well to know that she would ask him later about his nightmare. James could feel that the time had come to slowly tell Lily about his torture. James just wasn't sure if he was ready himself to open up to her fully. But he would think about that when the time came.

"I'll get you some breakfast, okay?" he heard Lily mutter.

"Thanks, honey!" He gave he another kiss before Lily went into the kitchen and James to the couch to see what his former boss and his former headmaster want.

"Dumbledore, Moody" James said while sitting down on Lily's spot on the couch looking at each while saying their names.

"You're looking way better than you did the last time I saw you, Potter." Moody said, his glass eye focusing me.

"Yeah, I'm also feeling way better than the last time you saw me. Being home again does have an effect on me, I guess." James said with a small smile.

"James, we're here to talk to you. When we arrived, you were sound asleep and Lily asked us to let you sleep in." Dumbledore said, smiling at James.

"Thanks. But now that I'm awake and I already can smell the pancakes my lovely wife is preparing for me, you can tell me why you are here."

"Potter, we need you back in the department. There are some attacks going on but nothing too serious. What we need you for is the training of the trainees." Moody said, taking a side glance at Dumbledore.

James could see that there was something on Albus' mind but didn't say anything.

"What is it, Albus?" James asked for his opinion.

"I think that Moody's offer comes too early. You still need to get used to your new life and get things settled. We don't want to rush you, it is just an offer. You know that this offer does never end."

"Thank you, Albus. And thanks to you too, Moody. What exactly do you think I could teach?" James asked, aiming that question at Moody directly.

"Mainly tactics."

In that moment Lily entered the living room with a plate full of pancakes and a pot of hot coffee. She placed that all in front of James and sat down next to him.

"Thanks, dear." James said, smiling warmly at her.

"You're welcome." Lily answered, kissing him on the cheek.

James knew that Lily has already been informed about the working offer. He could see in her eyes that Lily was having some doubts but didn't voice them out loud. But it was her opinion James was needing to make a final decision. Mainly because it would effect them both if he would return to doing what he was best at: being an auror. James just wasn't sure about the teaching thing.

"Lily, what do you think?" James asked her, which made her smile at him. Asking for her opinion showed Lily how important it was for him.

"Well, I think this would be great thing to do. You could do what you're so good at and still would have time to recover. Plus you wouldn't have to fight in the front line. But I personally think that it might be too early. People will ask you what happened. They would want to know everything. I don't know if you're ready for this already. But that's my personal opinion, it is up to you to decide." Lily voiced her concern looking in James eyes to read if he would get mad at her or not.

But James stayed calm, running a hand through his tousled brown hair. Oh, how much Lily had missed that gesture.

"Albus?" James asked his former headmaster and head of the Order of the Phoenix.

"I'm afraid I have to tell you that I think Lily might be right. I think you're not ready for this now."

Moody made a sound of disapproving but didn't say anything.

"So, you both are saying that I should wait a little longer before returning to my job, is that correct?" James asked, looking at Albus and Lily.

Both nodded their heads.

"Potter, how about I give you a week to think this through properly and talk about it with Lily. Than you can tell me about your decision." Moody said, looking into the round.

"That sounds good to me." James answered, relieved that he would have more time to thing about this.

"Well, I have to return to school. There's some business I have to attend to. But you two know that you can step by whenever you feel the need to." Albus said, nodding at everyone before disappearing into nothingness.

"I hope to hear your answer in a week, Potter." Moody grumbled and also vanished into thin air.

Little Harry still was playing on the ground, totally being absorbed into his play with the wand.

~#~

It was evening again and Lily and James where sitting in the living room with a glass of wine each and just enjoying to be united again. Little Harry was laying in his bed already sound asleep.

James had embraced Lily tightly and was kissing Lily's neck softly. Lily had her hands in James hair, enjoying the feeling of the silky strands of the always tussled looking hair.

James' hair had been the first feature that drew her to him though she used to despise him back than. They were staring into each others eyes, knowing everything without saying anything.

"Lils, may I ask you a question?" James asked his wife with a small smile returning to his former doing of trailing small kisses on her neck.

"Yeah, go ahead." Lily answered trying to pull his head up to hers to get a kiss.

"Why don't you think that I am ready to go working again?" he asked, finally looking up to her but only to look in her eyes.

Lily sat back up when he had asked her and took a sip of her wine before she answered his question. "Well, I think that because I'm afraid what all these questions, people are going to ask you about _that_ time, might have an effect on you. I'm a little scared that this could all get too much for you and I don't know what will happen then, you know?"

Her hand was stroking his cheek softly.

"And what if I could handle it? Let's say, that I might get through the staring and asking questions, would you be okay with me working again?" James asked, placing a small kiss in her palm.

"Yes, I do not have a problem with you working again. As long as you will not fight again because that would be something I would have a problem with. I don't want you to fight again in a real battle."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to loose you again. I could not bear it and I know that Harry won't either now that he had finally gotten to know the daddy he's just known from pictures."

A small tear escaped her wonderful green eyes and slowly slid down her cheek. James softly whisked it away with this thumb, taking her head in his hands. He stared at her lovingly, placing a soft kiss on her delicious lips.

"I can not imagine what you must have gone through all these years. But I promise, that I will never do anything that could get me in danger again. Please, don't be afraid of losing me again, Lily." James said, kissing her again.

"I will always be afraid of losing you, no matter what." Lily said matter-of-factly. "I've already experienced what it feels like living without you and I am not eager to do that again. Just promise me not to return to combat. Stay with teaching, please.", she begged.

"I can promise you that, flower." James said looking into her wonderful shining eyes. He had always loved those because he could read in those green orbs like in a book. They would give Lily's soul away.

Slowly he lowered his lips again to hers, this time with little more force. James lowered his back against the arm rest of the couch, Lily lying on top if him. His hands wandered under the hem of her shirt, trailing up and down her back. Hers were also exploring, running up and down his sides. A soft moan escaped his lips as the kiss deepened.

When Lily softly tugged on his shirt James sat up a bit so she could pull it over his head which left him with a bare chest. Every time Lily saw his scars he felt the fear. Fear that she might get scared of his scars filled chest and run off. But each time she didn't react the way he almost expected Lily to do he was relieved. It showed that a few scars didn't scare his wife off. James was happy that Lily didn't seem to mind these reminders of his past at all.

Feeling his fear Lily slowly trailed small soft kisses on each of the visible scars. With each kissed she aroused him even more and when he tried to move, Lily looked up to him and asked in a soft and caring voice.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, not at all.", James smiled up at her, "I just don't know how you would react seeing these scars again and again."

"I only wish I could make them disappear but even with my healing powers I know this will never be possible. I just can heal wounds but no scars." Lily said sadly. Her hands slowly trailed up and down his chest feeling each part of the broken skin.

"I know. It's okay as long as you don't find them … well, disgusting."

"No, that's not it. I like every one of your features, James, and I will get used to these scars, too. They now belong to you as does your brown hair and your hazel eyes." Lily smiled reassuringly down on him. Slowly she bent forwards and placed a soft kiss on his parted lips. "And now shut up and enjoy."

James smiled to himself. Within the deep of his soul he'd always been afraid how Lily would think about his one so strong and well built body that was now mostly covered in scars. Hearing her saying this he felt absolutely relieved. Showing how much exactly he was thankful towards her he placed every single feeling in this kiss which quickly deepened.

To feel more of Lily's wonderful soft skin, James pulled her shirt over her head and left it on the ground. His wandering hands returned to the smooth feeling and softly stoked over her back.

Meanwhile their kiss deepened until they had to separate to breath again. Eyes, willed with love and lust, stared at each other while the hands kept up their ways exploring the other.

For both it felt like their first time being with each other and giving into the strong feeling of lust. It's always been like this and they knew that this would never end.

Returning to kissing again, James switched their positions so he was laying on top. James felt Lily's hands wandering deeper and deeper his torso heading for his waistband.

Without breaking the kiss James opened the clasp at Lily's bra and freed her delicious breasts. Her nipples had already hardened and James left her mouth and kissed a trail of wet kisses softly down her chest towards her left breast. Closing his warm and wet mouth over the nipple Lily let out a soft moan gripping him tighter around his waist and pressing him closer to her wanting body.

James also gave some of his attention to her other nipple making Lily moaning louder. Feeling his hot wet mouth closing around her nipples had always aroused her to no end. James knew that and he would always use this knowledge to get her satisfied.

After giving his attention to her breast he pressed soft kisses down her stomach until he'd reached her waistband. While he had played with her nipples Lily had stopped pulling on his waistband to fully enjoy the feeling he was able to give her.

James now opened her pants and pulled them down until he could pull it off her legs. With it he'd taken her slip. Both peaces of clothing now where join the pile on the floor where their shirts had already been thrown to.

Lily could feel him at her very center. His tongue was starting to work her wonder and soon she could feel the fire building up in her body. James' hands had returned to her breasts and where softly stroking them, his thumbs playing with the erect nipples.

Soon Lily could feel her orgasm rising and with a soft scream she fell over the edge, falling down directly into James' loving arms. While Lily tried to regain her breath James placed soft kisses on her nose, cheek and blood red lips, a small smile gracing his face.

When Lily had regained her breath again she tugged on his waistband. She wanted him to pull off his jeans to give her better access to his already aroused member. After a few moments of silent pleading her sat up and opened his belt breathing a little heavier than normal. Soon he had gotten rid of the left garments and they also joined the pile on the floor.

Returning into their previous position Lily now could reach out to his erect member. She wanted to feel him and without hesitation she softly stroked over his full length and enjoyed the feeling of the incredible soft skin.

James was hovering a little above her and she saw his eyes closing and joy and lust showed on his face. His lips parted a little to release a moan and he bucked his hips into her hand. He wanted to feel more and Lily was happy to return the favour.

She increased the speed of her stroking and after a few moments of her stroking and his small moans James pulled himself out of her grip. He was breathing heavily now.

Pushing Lily back onto the sofa he positioned himself between her legs and entered her with one strong push. Feeling his big strong penis inside her moving let the fire inside her belly return with full force.

James had put his arms on each side of her face so wouldn't have to lay on her with his fully weight. He bent down to give Lily a deep kiss, letting his tongue explore her mouth. James kept the speed of his moving slow to enjoy the feeling for a little moment longer.

Lily had put her hands into his hair and her legs around his hips to push him even deeper inside with each move. Slowly they where increasing the speed until both reached their peaks and holding each other in their arms the fell together over the edge knowing that the other would always catch them. Always.

* * *

Now I want to know what you think! Please tell me! XOXO R&R please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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